Student Resources

Worrying about things that are uncertain or having stress before a significant event is normal. If this worry or stress persists and becomes disruptive to healthy living, then it might be anxiety. Anxiety is more common than people think, with 1 in 3 teenagers experience anxiety.

People with anxiety may experience the following:

• Physical: restlessness, fatigue, muscle aches or tension, difficulty sleeping, increased heart rate or shortness of breath during peaked anxiety
• Emotional: excessive worry, constant stress, irritability, fearfulness
• Thoughts: focusing on worst case scenarios, constantly doubting yourself, negative self-concept, increased negativity, over-analyzing 
• Behaviors: trying to avoid situations or people that make you anxious, excessive planning for every scenario.

	Little Panic: Dispatches From an Anxious Life My Anxious Mind: A Teens Guide to Managing Anxiety Under Pressure Confronting Epidemic Anxiety The Anxiety Toolkit for Teens* Attitude of Gratitude - Chicken Soup for the Soul* Stop Overthinking by Nick Trenton* Anxiety Relief for Teens by Regine Galanti*
	Make Today Well Lived The Podcast "It's OK to not be OK - Reach Out!" What is So Funny About Mental Illness   How to Talk About Anxiety with a Chef
	TAD Voices Mentally ChILL Podcast  Mental Illness Happy hour
	Space Movement To Write Love On Her Arms Crisis Text Line Teen Line Online NormanAid
	Straight Up Treatment UCLA OCD and Anxiety Treatment Clinic Vista Del Mar The Maple Center Southern California Counseling Center

Grief from a loss is something that can impact every student on campus. As we know, grief and loss is a universal experience that no one is immune to. Grief is a normal experience and is your mind and body’s way of dealing with loss in life.  

Grief is not centralized to the loss of a loved one. Students can experience feelings of grief if they:

• lose a family pet
• end of a romantic or platonic relationship
• lose possessions in a disaster
• have aTraumatic experience like assault or abuse
• Experience divorce
• Experience a diagnosis of a severe illness either in a loved one or themself.

Any of these events have the potential to trigger a grief response. Grief is normal but different for every person. What causes someone to grieve may not affect someone else at all. 

What are common grief responses? Remember, there is no timeline for grief, so these responses could come up immediately, within months, or even sometimes years after a loss.

• An outward emotional response to grief can include crying, expressions of anger, or mood swings.
• You may want to experience grief internally while at school for fear of being teased or bullied for showing emotion or feelings outwardly.
• You might find yourself acting out more. It is a common way people show their grief as you may not have language yet to describe the feelings you are having.
• You may be getting more headaches and stomach aches than usual, because sometimes feelings of grief and loss affect us physically.
• If you are experiencing death or loss for the first time, you may be confused or lack emotion because this experience is new for you.
• Grief may disrupt sleeping and eating patterns which can affect your ability to be present in the classroom.
• Distractions are a common coping mechanism for everyone. You may view school as a distraction or reprieve from feelings of grief, so you may not want to talk about it or acknowledge it at school.
• Questioning can be common and often comes in the form of “why” questions: why did this happen? Why them and not me?

How can I support a someone who is grieving?

• Be flexible with students experiencing grief and loss: they may not totally be themselves, so be patient with them and know that what they are doing or saying isn't personal.
• Suggest seeing the counselor if a friend is visibly upset. You can ask them if they want you to come or if they would rather go alone.
• Cultural practices may influence a students grief response, the language they use to talk about grief and loss and the rituals they practice around grief, so be sensitive to this as best you can.
• Let them know that their grief response is normal. No one can say a response to grief is normal or abnormal because it is different for everyone. What they are feeling is unique to them, and that is ok. 
• Listen. Sometimes all people need is a safe place to talk and feel. If you are that someone that person trusts and you are comfortable and available to hear them,  just listening may be enough.
• Suggest ways they can cope with their feelings: visiting BulldogAid, journaling, listening to music, talking with a friend, playing a game or watching a movie are all ways students can cope.

Additional Resources:

	Our House Heal Grief
	The Grief Practice
	Grief Out Loud
	Helping In The Moment
	BulldogAid Journal Prompts
	Weird is Normal: When Teenagers Grieve Grief Day by Day Healing your Grieving Heart For Teens Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul

A healthy relationship is one where everyone is doing their part to keep things happy, respectful, supportive and fair. In healthy relationships, everyone involved shares power and responsibility instead of trying to get or keep all or most of it for themselves.

Relationships where each person is not making a real effort to do their part to make things good for everyone are often unhealthy.

Source: Scarlateen 

What happens in a healthy relationship?

• Good Communication: In a healthy relationship, communication is often easy. We honestly say what we want, need and feel. We listen to what the other person says they want, need and feel. As the relationship grows and changes, we keep talking openly about both the good stuff and the challenging stuff. When there’s conflict, we work through it in a kind, caring and respectful way. We focus on the issue and caring for each other instead of “winning” an argument or fight.
• Boundaries: Boundaries are the invisible lines we draw between ourselves and other people so we have the space we need to be ourselves, separate from the relationship. In a healthy relationship, people respect each other’s boundaries. No one pushes or tries to break down anyone’s boundaries.
• No Pressure: A new relationship may make us happy, but we may want to go slow with the big stuff, like making commitments to, or agreements with each other, or changing our lives in big ways for the relationship. That means not pushing or making any huge decisions when we’ve only been in the relationship a few days, weeks or months. If you're in a healthy relationship, your partner wont pressure you to move faster than you are ready to. 
• Flexibility: We understand that people, including ourselves, change. Healthy relationships welcome change, even when it is challenging, it is an opportunity to grow togehter. 
• Independence: We have lives and interests outside of the relationship. This includes having other relationships we value. We don’t rely on or ask one relationship to give us everything we want and need. We also understand that we can’t control our partner or make them be how we want them to be.
• Trust: When we trust each other, we believe each other’s feelings and actions. We feel our private thoughts and feelings are safe with the other person. We feel we can depend on one another. We accept that we can’t know what someone else is doing every minute of every day. We shouldn’t need to know that when we trust them. If we feel distrustful, we work to build trust instead of seeking to control each other.
• Equality: Being equals means we have the same amount of say and influence in a relationship. We make big decisions together. One person shouldn’t make all of the decisions in the relationship. One person shouldn’t use their power to do things in or with the relationship that the other person doesn’t want or didn’t agree to.
• Safety: No one should be emotionally, physically or sexually unsafe in a relationship. No one should be called names or put down, harassed, stalked or emotionally controlled in other ways. No one should be physically hurt on purpose, forced or pressured to do anything they don’t want to do sexually, affectionately or otherwise. We should feel and be actively shown that our partner would never intentionally intentionally harm us. We should clearly show a partner we would never harm them on purpose. If we are not safe in these basic ways or we don’t feel safe, our relationships are likely abusive instead of healthy. If anyone in a relationship is unable to be safe for everyone else in it, that person will first need to become safe for others before getting into or continuing the relationship.
• Care: We each want the other person to feel safe, happy, and understood in the relationship. If one of us feels scared, unhappy, or stressed by the relationship, we take that as a sign that something needs to change.

What should I look for in a Partner or Friend?

Source: loveisrespect

Look for someone who will:

• Treat you with respect.
• Doesn’t make fun of things you like or want to do.
• Never puts you down.
• Doesn’t get angry if you spend time with your friends or family.
• Listens to your ideas and comprises sometimes.
• Isn’t excessively negative.
• Shares some of your interests such as movies, sports, reading, dancing or music.
• Isn’t afraid to share their thoughts and feelings.
• Is comfortable around your friends and family.
• Is proud of your accomplishments and successes.
• Respects your boundaries and does not abuse technology.
• Doesn’t require you to “check in” or need to know where you are all the time.
• Is caring and honest.
• Doesn’t pressure you to do things that you don’t want to do.
• Doesn’t constantly accuse you of cheating or being unfaithful.
• Encourages you to do well in school or at work.
• Doesn’t threaten you or make you feel scared.
• Understands the importance of healthy relationships.

What is Consent?

Consent is when a person agrees to the request of another. Typically consent is used when describing relational or sexual circumstances, like you need to receive willing consent consent before you physically touch someone or you need to receive consent before engaging with someone sexually. In a healthy relationship, both (or all) partners are able to openly talk about and agree on what kind of activity they want to engage in.

It is important to make sure that you and your partner are both comfortable with everything you do in your relationship. Therefore, you should know what consent is and how to get it.

How does consent work?

Some people are worried that talking about or getting consent will be awkward or that it will “ruin the mood,” which is far from true. If anything, the mood is much more positive when both partners feel safe and can freely communicate about what they want. Before you are physically intimate with a partner, talk about what your boundaries are; what are you willing to do? what are you unwilling to do? How should you let each other know if either of you are uncomfortable? Talking openly about these questions beforehand will help ensure everyone is comfortable.

If you are in the heat if the moment, and haven't had the change to get to know someone's boundaries yet, here are some suggestions of things to say:

• • • • Are you comfortable?
      • Is this okay?
      • Do you want to slow down?
      • Do you want to go any further?

What Consent Looks Like?

• • • Communicating every step of the way. For example, during a hookup, ask if it’s okay to take your partner’s shirt off. Don’t just assume that they are comfortable with it.
    • Respecting that when they don’t say “no,” it doesn’t mean “yes.” Consent is a clear and enthusiastic yes! If someone seems unsure, stays silent, doesn’t respond, or says “Maybe…” then they aren’t saying “yes.”
    • Breaking away from gender “rules.” Everyone deserves consent, whether you are a he, she, or they, you deserve to engage in any intimacy feeling completely safe and comfortable. 

What Consent Does NOT Look Like:

• • • Assuming that dressing sexy, flirting, accepting a ride, accepting a drink etc. is in any way consenting to anything more.
    • Saying yes (or saying nothing) while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
    • Unconscious or sleeping people cannot give consent. Even if consent was given when someone was conscious, they can no longer provide consent in the moment. 
    • Saying yes or giving in to something because you feel too pressured or too afraid to say no.

Here are some RED FLAGS that indicate your partner doesn’t respect consent:

• • • They pressure or guilt you into doing things you may not want to do.
    • They make you feel like you “owe” them — because you’re dating, or they gave you a gift, etc. 
    • They react negatively (with sadness, anger or resentment) if you say “no” to something, or don’t immediately consent.
    • They ignore your wishes and don’t pay attention to nonverbal cues that could show you’re not consenting, for example, if you are pushing them away as they are trying to kiss you but they keep attempting to kiss you without acknowledging your non-verbal cue that you want them to stop.

Get Consent Every Time

This means getting consent every time you engage with someone physically, even if they have given you consent 100 times before. You never know how someone is feeling, so get consent every time.

Consent and Sexting

• • • As with sex itself, consent needs to be considered when sexting, by both the sender and the recipient. When someone shares a sensitive photo of you without your consent, it’s a form of cyberbullying. It might be worth figuring out what you feel comfortable doing and what could cause trouble later on before diving in.
    • Once it’s taken, a photo or video can go anywhere. It can be messaged to other people or even posted online. If the photo, video or message doesn’t exist then there’s no chance of harm. It can’t be shared if it doesn’t exist. If you’re thinking about sexting, make sure you’re prepared for what might happen if the content gets into the wrong hands.
    • What can happen - If things go wrong (and this can be any number of ways) your photo or message gets shared with more people than you wanted or expected, and can cause you great distress. You might feel distressed, angry, humiliated, and like you just want to never face anyone you know again as your privacy has been breached. Remember, it will blow over, but there’s no doubt about it, it’s never a nice situation to be in. Have fun but stay safe. Be wary that once an image is out of your hands it can go anywhere.
    • Ask yourself these questions before you sext:

• • • • Are you comfortable with the risk that your photo could be shared with others?
      • Is this something both the sender and recipient consent to?
      • Are you feeling pressured to send nude or sexual image?

Emotional Boundaries

• Saying "I love you": Saying “I love you” happens for different people and different times in a relationship. If your partner says it and you don’t feel that way yet, don’t feel bad -- you may just not be ready yet. Let your partner know how it made you feel when they said it and tell them your own goals for the relationship.
• Time Apart: As great as it is to want to spend a lot of time with your partner, remember that it’s important to have some time away from each other too. Both you and your partner should be free to hang out with friends (male or female) or family without having to get permission. It’s also healthy to spend time by yourself doing things that you enjoy or that help you relax. You should be able to tell your partner when you need to do things on your own instead of feeling trapped into spending all of your time together.   

Physical Boundaries

• Take Your Time: Don’t rush it if you’re not ready. Getting physical with your partner doesn’t have to happen all at once if you’re not ready. In a healthy relationship, both partners know how far each other wants to go and they communicate to each other if something changes. There isn’t a rule book that says you have to go so far by a certain age or at any given time in a relationship, so take things at your own pace.
• Quid Pro Quo: You don’t owe your partner anything. Just because your partner takes you out to dinner, buys you a gift or says “I love you” doesn’t mean you owe them anything in response. It isn’t fair for your partner to claim that you don’t care about them because you won’t “go all the way.” Even if you’ve done it before, you are never required to do it just because your partner is pressuring you. 

Privacy & Digital Boundaries

• Passwords are Private: Even if you trust your partner, sharing passwords for your phone and website accounts isn’t always the best idea. Just like you should be able to spend time by yourself, you are entitled to your own digital privacy. Giving your partner access to your social media allows them to post anything they want without getting your permission first. They can also see everyone that you talk to, which may cause unwarranted jealousy, especially if there isn’t anything going on. Just to be safe, your password should be something that only you know so you know you always have control of your information.
• DMing: You are entitled to your own boundaries when it comes to texting or sending or receiving sexual DMs. Partners should not pressure you to send them pictures. If you know the risks of sending or receiving pictures or sexual texts, and choose not to be involved in that, your boundary should be respected. If you receive a sex related photo or have a sex related photo of you being distributed, please talk with your parents, a trusted adult or your school counselor. To find out more about sexting read the information below from ReachOut.com.

• It is not illegal when photos are shared between consenting adults, but when minors are involved, sexual-exploitation and child-pornography laws can come into play. If you’re not 18 years-old and you’re sending sexy texts (or if you’re receiving them from someone under 18 years-old), you could get in a lot of trouble.
• Any naked or sexual images of people under 18 years-old are considered child pornography, regardless if the sender is over or under 18. There are some really serious legal consequences for people who distribute or possess child porn.

People with depression tend to experience the following:

• Physical: changes in appearance/hygiene, changes in sleep patterns, change in appetite, low energy, stomach or headaches, difficulty concentrating
• Emotional: sad all the time, frustrated, irritable, anger outbursts, anxious, easily upset, hopeless, helpless, worthless, despair
• Thoughts: loss of interest in hobbies, “nothing matters”, “I’m always misunderstood”, low self-esteem, self-blame or criticism, thoughts of harming yourself or others
• Behaviors: unusual reactions to little things, changes in mood/personality, pulling away from people/isolating yourself, a decline in school performance, extremely sensitive to failure, rejection, or criticism

If you or someone you know is experiencing depression, reach out to a friend, trusted adult, or your school counselor for support. 

Additional Resources:

	Behind Happy Faces
	The TAD Project Podcasts Mentally ChILL Podcast  What Is So Funny About Mental Illness   Mental Illness Happy hour The Hilarious World Of Depression
	Make Today Well Lived The Podcast "It's OK to not be OK - Reach Out!" Confessions of a depressed comic Explaining My Depression To My Mother Depression The Secret We Share Stronger Than Stigma How To Talk About Depression
	To Write Love On Her Arms Crisis Text Line Teen Line Online
	The Tad Project Anxiety and Depression Association of America Straight Up Treatment Vista Del Mar The Maple Center Southern California Counseling Center

 

 

Suicidal ideation sometimes referred to as suicidal thoughts, describes thoughts, fantasies, ideas, or images related to dying by suicide. When hearing the word suicide, some people may shy away or feel this is a taboo topic to be avoided in any discussion.  The reality is the more we talk about it, the more comfortable we get, which allows more people to access help.

Suicidal ideation is often caused by some mental health disorders like depression or drug misuse. Some other factors that contribute to suicidal ideation include social difficulties, stress, academic pressure, performance pressure, poor social relationships, lack of family support, physical or sexual abuse, health issues, and bullying.

It can be scary and lonely to experience suicidal ideation and sometimes you may be afraid to tell someone for fear they will not take you seriously, will “overreact,” or that your pain still won’t go away. The reality is sharing with a mental health professional, trusted friend or adult is often the first step in getting the help you need to start feeling better.